It’s tricky out there ya know?
Being yourself feels likes it has
its drawbacks, its loopholes, its exceptions!
Do people really want the “real” me?
Do people really want authenticity in relationships?
Do people really want vulnerability?
Do people really want to “see” me?
The truth is, some people don’t! Some are comfortable with the boxes we have ourselves in. Some are convenienced with the niceties that rule our relationships, they don’t want to go any deeper, they don’t want to really “know” or really “see” behind the scenes – the gory details of what living life in the muck and mire looks like!
Some are scared of it, some are appalled by it, some don’t understand it.
For so many reasons…
Life is messy – God knows that! He’s extravagant about finding people in the dirt, picking them up, cleaning them up and putting them back out there! He’s not afraid of the “yuck!”
I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in Him.
For a long time I have lived in a place feeling misunderstood, feeling unknown, feeling invisible…but the truth is
until I am comfortable in my own skin,
I will never find the “approval” I seek
because that approval does not come from outside of me.
My freedom to be me comes from within!
There are many who will not understand, there are many who will judge prematurely without ever getting to know my heart, there are many who will feel uncomfortable in close proximity, there are many who will mischaracterize and misperceive on face value, but I can NOT control any of it, I can NOT stop being the way God created me to be because of anyone else’s opinion.
But… let me be clear – this never gives me permission to stop trying to see another’s experience and to seek understanding.
To walk in their shoes!
Growth comes in community and every experience is an opportunity to turn in and see more truth about myself!
Each is a mirror into our own souls!
Asking myself the hard questions about why that thing they do bothers me?
Why I feel misunderstood?
What happens between us?
How is this about me and my stuff?
How do I interfere and challenge this relationship?
What’s inauthentic in me?
What’s still broken and needs God’s healing?
And at the end of it, after the inventory is taken— there are things to be learned, healing to be had, change to take place and again I am faced with the honesty of this statement –
the freedom to be me comes from within
because the relationship may not get better, the situation may not change, from the outside it may all look the same because you can NOT control or change another’s opinion – all you can do is the hard work to clean your own soul!
Life is messy – God knows that! He’s extravagant about helping me to see the dirt still sifting in my soul and using a little elbow grease to clean me up!
He’s not afraid of MY “yuck!”
He’s not afraid of yours either!