Lost in the Tall Trees

Navigating this life is tricky most days. I find myself lost in a maze of emotions these days, lost in the middle and I’m not too sure I want to be found.

We recently visited Williamsburg, Virginia. This is a maze behind the Governor’s Palace in the famous Colonial village. Standing atop the mount you can look across the lawn and see this view – all the bends and twists of the maze – it’s beautiful and seems so easy to navigate through from this bird’s eye view. But in actuality, when you stand in lanes among the towering brush the view is more like this…

hard to see over,

hidden,

isolated,

lost,

never ending,

punishing,

in the thick,

alone.

Life vacillates in the maze between clarity and vision to see where you are going afar off and blindness that captivates and paralyzes your feet in mud beneath. I don’t like the feeling of “lost” – I am unsettled there, its uncomfortable as I fumble to find my way, searching frantically, exhaustingly for a way out!

I just want out!!!

And yet my wishing is fruitless, I am where I am, lost in the middle. And so I numb, a heart growing cold from bitterness, isolation, disappointment…I sink, knees failing beneath me…I fall to the mud below – covered in the muck and mire of this world.

No way out?

Oh, yes, there is one way out!

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

Blessed is the one
    who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
    to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened^[—
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
    I do not seal my lips, Lord,
    as you know.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
    from the great assembly.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me.

May all who want to take my life
    be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
    be turned back in disgrace.
May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
    be appalled at their own shame.
But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
    “The Lord is great!”

But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.

I usually stop reading that Psalm at verse 3, about the time He puts a new song in my mouth…but today I kept reading because I needed the whole verse – yes, I need a new song AND to keep eyes fixed, AND to open ears, AND to unseal lips, AND to remember, AND to proclaim His good deeds, AND mercy, AND protection, AND saving, AND clarity, AND to know He is for me, AND humility, AND delivery from myself, AND quickly! I need it all today!

But I don’t know that I want it…sometimes it just feels easier to stay lost.

It’s not – my head knows this – but my heart, oh my heart – maybe it feels safer tucked away in the towering brush that hides and seemingly keeps safe from the world pressing in. Numb feels easier on these days.

And then I wake up to this sweetness in my email inbox…