Sexuality is defined as the whole way a person goes about expressing himself or herself as a sexual being. We are spiritual, emotional, physical and sexual beings.
Yes, sexual beings…we are not always comfortable with this thought.
Maybe because we have been made to think of our sexuality as
a private matter,
Some of us have been shamed in our sexuality because of unhealthy others crossing invisible boundaries that were never meant to be breached –
dirty touch has left us feeling dirty.
Some of us have been broken by the choices we made to offer ourselves in exchange for love, approval, security, acceptance which did not render itself available –
wanted touch has left us feeling unwanted.
Some of us have been hushed and made to feel embarrassed of waists curving, breasts cleaving, skirts creeping up lengthening legs, unable to embrace our changing bodies all in the name of modesty and whatever else they called it –
normal changing has left us feeling abnormal.
Some of us have been compared and cheated of our own sexual beauty by magazine covers, pornographic images, infidelity and lust, lost in the throws of “not enough” and lacking, we compete in a game we can never win –
desire has left us feeling undesirable.
So many reasons our sexuality has been broken, misused, abused, stolen.
And so we are left unfinished, undone —
a piece of us missing, wholeness elusive, complicated incompleteness…
For those of you who know me, you know I am a teacher, I love to give back what I learn. It’s just the way God wired me, I learn it and I have to share it. The book I am gleaning from, I buy for all my friends! The quote that moves me, I post all over social media! The podcast I listen to, I forward to everyone in my phone and email list – it’s just my way, I have to share it, I want you to know it too!
My healing journey started 18 years ago when Jesus captured my heart and I gave it to Him – He healed me spiritually first. In 2003 I started healing emotionally by leading a small group of women through John and Stasi Eldrege’s book Captivating, followed by Cloud and Townsend’s Boundaries work and in 2007 joined an inner healing class where I learned the beautiful process known as formational prayer entering into an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus, the lover and healer of my soul. In 2010 God took me on a physical journey which started with a 40 day fast and ended with the creation of a healthy image class called “Made In His Image” that helped me lead girls through 8-weeks of material to heal our self-image, learning to love and embrace our physical bodies. Spirit, Soul, Body…I thought I was done! (I mean not really, we are never really done, but I thought I had all parts covered.)
But I missed one…one more part that I hadn’t considered – my sexual self!
So I am on a journey to reclaim my sexual self and I am, well to be quite honest, scared to death to share this with you all. I feel embarrassed, my face flushes at the word “vagina,” my shoulders hunch as I feel the urge to shy away and cover my double d chest, it feels unnatural to love myself unashamedly, to want to understand my sensual, erotic self, to express myself as a sexual being and own my desirability.
It’s uncomfortable and intriguing all in the same breath.
And I know myself, I am a teacher, and like with everything else God has done in my life, as God heals me in this area I won’t be able to NOT share it with you, it’s just what I do!
So stay tuned, get ready, it may get R-rated and risque,
I am sure some of you will blush,
some may feel offended and uncomfortable,
some will breathe a sigh a relief as you scream, “Hallelujah, finally!”
some will be challenged,
some will want to shy away,
but ladies if you press into it – uncomfortable as it may be – all of us will be FREER on the other side!
Come on- we are in this together! (no bra burning I promise!)
Learning to love myself – spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually – all parts – all created by God – all of me – whole, healed and free!
I am the heroine of my story!