I know people who schedule sex, they actually put it on their calendars and plan for it…I have never understood that. It has felt so sterile, so unspontaneous to me. I didn’t get it…but I think I do now.
Let me explain…
So I have been taking, what I fondly refer to as “my sex class” on this journey of understanding and embracing my sexual self and although this journey has not been about sex in my marriage it is absolutely about sex in my marriage because what you put your mind on, well, it motivates your body. So talking about sex and learning about myself as a sexual being has me focused more on sex…libido rising…desire increasing…sex on the brain right?!
So I get it!
Now I am not scheduling sex, that’s not the point of this blog…whether you do that or not makes no difference to me, whatever floats your boat and works for you and your man. The point of this blog is the revelation of that “aha” of why people do it. I am sure there are lots of reasons that have people scheduling sex into their lives – if you have babies, you are exhausted and it may be the only way you get it in, if you own your own company, your mind may be preoccupied with other things so scheduling sex keeps it a priority in your life, if your libido is lacking perhaps scheduling sex keeps you at least trying to make sex an important part of your married life…whatever your reason I get the “why” behind it.
What you think on…your body responds to! So if you schedule a sex date, you see it on your calendar, you have all day to think about and get yourself ready for it, get those “juices” (haha) flowing and those hormones revved up, your body desiring, readying, wanting to be touched and kissed and held. Make time to feel pretty, sexy, desirable and move into your feminine self.
It works, it really does!
The mind is a powerful thing – mind over matter (body) is a real thing! You can will your body to be free from sickness with your mind. You can will your body to do amazing things like lift heavier weights than you ever thought possible, jump higher or run longer than you ever believed you could. You can will your body to try new foods, dare new adventures, trust in new relationships.
The mind is amazing!
You can do anything you set your mind to!
(***And let me put a disclaimer here – I am not talking about pornography or anything even close to that – those sorts of things trigger the heck out of me and frankly just make me pissed off at my husband, not desire him. I am also not talking about romance novels that introduce you to some hero perfect specimen of a man who knows how to romance a woman and turn her on by looking in her direction, those piss me off too because my husband ain’t nothing like Mr. Perfect Fiction.)
I am talking about a funny, clean comedy like The Proposal or The Notebook (athough I must confess I don’t watch those types of movies, too much sadness for me – a friend told me it was a good, gushy one though) that helps you to connect heart to heart or read Dr. Kevin Leman’s books, Sheet Music or Sex Starts in the Kitchen. Something that puts sex on the brain.
Another way get in the mood is to remember a time when you had great sex with your husband or a romantic evening and let that ruminate in your mind for the day. Think on the things you like about your man, or used to like about him if you are struggling. A sexy look from across a room, a time he played with your hair or grabbed for your hand, that day he wore a new shirt and looked hot, or took care of something that made you feel cared for and secure. There was a reason you were attracted to him back in the day…think on those things.
As you choose to will your brain to remember fond moments your body will oblige with desire and interest.
(***Another disclaimer, for those of you healing and still in pain from betrayal, abandonment, neglect etc. please give yourself the grace and time you need to heal yourself body, soul, and sprit. Healing and forgiveness take time…this blog is not for you today sweet friend, read it in a few months or years when your heart is in a better place and your have been gracious to yourself with the time you have needed to find safety in your relationship again!)
This is a delicate subject!
So much pain and hurt around our sexuality. Only you know your story and what damage has been done to you and only you can determine if you are ready to step into this vulnerable place again. If you are not ready, please seek out the help you need to heal – don’t stay locked away in pain, life it too short to let the actions of others rob you of what is your God-given gift.
Your sexuality is a God-given gift!
Invite her into healing!
Ok…back to sex on the brain.
So! Be mindful of your thoughts and let it peruse the memory aisle in your brain of those naked, vulnerable, giving yourself, toe curling moments. Bathe in those memories and just see how your body responds! She will thank you for it and SO WILL YOUR HUSBAND!